10 Things Mom’s Not Allowed to Do Anymore (According to My Toddler)

10 Things Mom’s Not Allowed to Do Anymore (According to My Toddler)

Got a “bossy” toddler on your hands? Surely you can relate to this list of “no-nos” for Mom!


By: Nicole Fabian-Weber

Ever since my daughter turned two and a half, she -- and I say this in the most loving way possible -- has turned into a giant bossypants. Each morning when she emerges from her bedroom, looking as adorable as ever with her messy hair, flowery PJs, and cheeky grin, it’s on. From there on out, I am under her authority -- and let me tell you, the girl’s got a lot of strict rules. I feel like every time I go to do something, there’s a tiny little voice telling me, “No! Mama, you can’t do that!”

My little girl would be perfectly happy if I climbed on chairs all day, ate tortilla chips for lunch (off the floor or with my feet), and ran around naked. But when it comes to other stuff -- stuff that seems perfectly normal to most -- she’s just not a fan.

Here are 10 things my toddler daughter has recently decided I can’t do. The little lady runs a tight ship!

1. "Mama, you're not allowed to talk to him!" This is what my 2-year-old will tell me sometimes when I have the gall to attempt a conversation with my husband (her dad!). I would be offended if she didn't say the same thing to him when he tried to talk to me.

2. "Mama, you can't calm him down!" The response I get when I try to calm down my newborn son down by saying, "Shhhh," or "It's OK," or "I know, baby." Bonus: When I ask her if she wants him to cry, she smiles and says, "Yes!"

3. "Mama, you can't come. You stay here, OK?" This was when we were about to go on a walk one day. Just the two of us. She wanted to go for a walk around the neighborhood alone. Oh. OK.

4. "Mama, you can't take a shower!" Me: "But, Mama's stinky. She hasn't taken a shower in a while." Her: "Yes. Mama is stinky."

5. "Mama, you can't feed him." Again, about the baby. We're still working out some kinks with the whole sibling thing.

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6. "Mama, Liz can't come over." OK, so this isn't my daughter telling me I can't do something – except all the bazillion things I can’t do if our babysitter Liz isn't allowed to come over.

7. "No, you don't put me in the car seat." Oh, but I do, little girl.

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8. "Liz/Dada/Grandma/Papa can't change my diaper." This is one of the few things I am allowed to do, according to my little bunny. But I’m apparently not allowed to delegate this one. Great …

9. "No! You're not going to turn it off!" Any time I cave and allow my daughter to watch a TV show or video on my phone or computer, I'm instructed to never turn it off. Ever.

10. "No, you can't make me leave!" Recently, when I put my daughter in her car seat (which I'm not really supposed to do, remember?) after playing at a park, she started to get upset and said to me, "No, you can't make me leave." When I told her that we had to, because it was time to go, she looked at me and said, "No. I want to stay out forever."

She may be a little tyrant, but man, is she sure is adorable.

What does your toddler not allow you to do?


Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama to a sweet toddler girl and an equally sweet baby boy. She lives outside of NYC and writes for The Stir and numerous other online publications.

Image ©iStock.com/berpin


More articles you may like:

6 Things Never to Say to a Toddler Mom

Mom Confessional: My Toddler Watches TV and That’s OK With Me

Parents Share the Funniest Stories Behind Their Kids’ Time-Outs

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the little girl in this picture looks just like my daughter

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