10 Things You Never Want to Hear Your Toddler Say

10 Things You Never Want to Hear Your Toddler Say

When your toddler proudly rats himself out, it’s hard to know whether to laugh or cry.


By Leah Maxwell

Why does it take kids ages and ages to do things we want them to do (put their shoes on, eat their spaghetti, etc.), but it only takes them a split second to get into mischief when we’re not looking? If you’re the mom of a little one, you know a period of extended silence probably means she’s up to no good. You probably also know that sometimes the real bombshell hits only when you finally figure out what she’s been up to. Whether they’re confessing their misdeeds or talking back, here are 10 things to hope your toddler never says:

1. “I made da house all pretty!”
Yep, that translates to: “I drew on the walls with your makeup.”

2. “It’s in my nose.”
Unless he’s talking about his finger, you’re in for a fun afternoon ... in the emergency room.

3. “I pooped! On da floor!”
Potty training: Half the battle is getting them to go, the other half is getting them to aim.

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4. “Here, smell this.”
You ... probably shouldn’t. Just trust me on this one.

5. “I cut my hair.”
Hey, better hers than yours!

6. “Look, Mommy! I can fly!”
I mean, thank goodness he told you to look first, am I right?

7. “Dunno where sippy is.”
If it’s full of milk, let’s hope you find it before it turns to cheese, a.k.a. the world’s worst treasure hunt.

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8. “No, YOU have a time-out.”
Actually, I’d love to spend the next 35 minutes sitting alone quietly in the corner. Thanks, kid!

9. “$@#$*&!”
Let’s pretend you didn’t learn that from me, m’kay?

10. “I made fire!”
$@#$*&!

What do you hope your toddler never says to you?


Leah Maxwell is a book editor, freelance writer, cereal addict, wife, and mom to two young boys. She has been blogging at A Girl and a Boy since 2003.

Image ©iStock.com/GrabillCreative


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