19 Questions Only Moms Ask Themselves

19 Questions Only Moms Ask Themselves

Yes, mom, you’ve thought it. And we know it.

By Jeanne Sager

Every one of us walks around thinking things that we don’t say out loud, lest people actually hear the inane inner monologue that goes on in our brains. And every one of us asks questions of ourselves, day in and day out – some more serious than others. But mothers ask themselves a whole different set of questions than the rest of the human race.

Just take a look … and try to tell us you haven’t pondered a few of these:

  1. [While scratching an itch on your head] Wait, is this what lice feels like?
  2. If the kids ate cereal they dug out of the couch cushions while I was doing dishes, does that count as “eating breakfast” today?
  3. Am I the only one who can see the shoe in the middle of the living room floor?
  4. Will my body remember what it’s like to pee without someone watching me?
  5. If I hold my hands tight enough over his ears, will he ignore the automatic flusher in the public bathroom instead of screaming bloody murder?
  6. What do the people outside the public bathroom think is going on in here when they hear a kid screaming?
  7. If I eat chocolate in the bathroom with the door closed while they’re asleep, will they hear me?
  8. Why did I hate naps so much when I was a kid?

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  1. If I pretend to be sleeping when they call me so their dad has to get up, will they bring it up in therapy in 20 years?
  2. What DOES the fox say?
  3. The mom whose kid slept through the night from the get-go is a total liar, right?
  4. If I pretend I don’t hear the silence, will it go away?
  5. Are the glitter manufacturers and the sticker manufacturers all in on the joke?
  6. How long can a kid survive on milk and only milk?
  7. Who looks at a puzzle piece and thinks “today’s a good day to stick that up my nose?”
  8. Did the neighbor just hear me yell that out loud?
  9. Can I send myself to my room?
  10. Is that poop? Wait, do I really want to know the answer to that?
  11. What if I just don’t wanna give the dollies voices today?

What crazy things go through your head now that you’re a mom?

Jeanne Sager is a freelance writer, photographer and social media junkie. She lives in upstate New York with her husband, daughter, and way too many pets. You can follow her @JeanneSager.


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Reading this list has put me in tears from laughing so much. Number 5 REALLY gets me. I always wondered, (and still do), why my daughter was terrified of the auto flush of a public toilet.

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