23 'Bad' Moms Confess: My Toddler Is Acting Crazy!

23 'Bad' Moms Confess: My Toddler Is Acting Crazy!

From tantrums to embarrassing behavior, parenting a toddler can make any mom nuts!


By Wendy Robinson

My daughter is turning 3 years old next month, which is exciting because this milestone will mean that we survived her being a 2-year-old. My daughter is cute and loving and a gigantic walking “Terrible Two” stereotype sometimes.

Yesterday, for example, we had this exchange:

Her: “No! NOOOOOOO! I don’t want that cup! I want the pink cup!”

Me: “This is a pink cup.”

Her: (crying now) “NOOOOOOOOOOO! I need the pink cup. My pinkie cup with milk. I neeeeeeed it!”

Me: “Sweetie, this is a pink cup and it has milk in it.”

Her: “NOOOOOOOOOOO!”

This went on for far longer than it should have, until I discovered that what she really wanted was her orange cup. Sigh.

The nice thing about having a crazy-making toddler is knowing that you aren’t alone because all toddlers are little weirdos, at least according to these 23 toddler moms!

1. “Living with a toddler is like living in a frat house. Someone is always screaming and there is a 90 percent chance that the wet spot on the couch is a bodily fluid.” - - Sue T.

2. “My toddler has a love affair with words. This is awesome, hilarious, and completely frustrating all at the same time. But to focus on the positive, I'm often regaled with very elaborate tales, sometimes with made-up words thrown in there. Not everything makes sense, but he's a very confident and animated storyteller!” -- Meredith S.

3. “Even though we weaned a few months ago, my 2-year-old still regularly sticks his hand down my shirt in public, just to check to make sure my boobs are still there.” -- Diane W.

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4. “I could hire someone to just walk behind him and put stuff back. He is the slowest, yet fiercest, most efficient tornado. The path behind him is always complete destruction. God help you if you turn your back on him.” -- Megan M.

5. “Toddlers are the funniest people I know. They are also the craziest, crappiest, most giving, loving, creative, etc. I love the freedom they feel to express themselves. Not always in line with what we want/expect, but the confidence in expression is something to admire.” -- Katie F.

6. “My little one likes to say ‘Mommy doesn't have a penis’ to anyone and everyone.” -- Erica J.

7. “‘I want peanut toast, I don't want peanut toast. Mama, I want peanut toast!’ Please, dear child, make up your mind!” -- Kate R.

8. “I feel like I spend 95 percent of my time with her trying to get her to eat or get her in the car. Typical dinner situation: 10 minutes trying to get her to actually come to the table, five minutes of musical chairs where she insists on sitting wherever you are sitting, so you have to move plates, 10 minutes of whining how she's not hungry and/or the food we have is ‘yucky,’ then she finally takes a bite and decides she likes it, and then, spends 45 GRUELING MINUTES slowly, slowly eating. Typically, she drops her sippy cup on the floor about five times or bangs it against the plate, breaking the plate. When finished, she, her clothes, her chair, the placemat, the floor, and the table are all a sticky, disgusting mess.” -- Leslie B.

9. “Having a toddler means being bossed around by someone 1/5 my size.” -- Katie P.

10. “The little guy eats lunch, I go into the other room, and he gives Grandpa the impression he has nothing to eat, so he can have another full meal. Then there is the little angel look on his sweet little face when I come back in and bust him.” -- Dianne P.

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11. “My 3-year-old, newly potty-trained son likes to fill his pants next to the potty and then, with his sweet face and puppy dog eyes, gently holds my face and says, ‘Are you happy?’” -- Katie B.

12. “The most frustrating thing is when you want to get your toddler in the car seat, and they pull the wet noodle. It is like they have no bones in their body and just flop around making it impossible to get them in the car seat.” -- Elizabeth M.

13. Filed under the “toddlers say the most awkward things” category is this gem from a 2-year-old: “Mommy, my penis is big, can you blow on it to make it go down?” -- Nicole J.

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14. “You know what is awesome? When your toddler pulls your swimsuit top down in swimming lessons. Oh, and you are the only mom in the pool that week. Real fun.” -- Sarah T.

15. “The best part of a toddler is when they're sleeping. They look like little angels, and you forget all about why you wanted to pull your hair out earlier in the day. It's like a re-set button; without it I'm pretty sure no one would have the will to survive another day.” --- Molly M.

16. “This morning, my 3-year-old was digging around in his underwear. I asked him what he was doing. ‘Looking for cereal.’ Um, OK.” -- Christina O.

17. “I love how they run everywhere! Run to the kitchen for a snack, run back to their toys, run across the room to grab something, run back again. If adults did this we wouldn't need any other exercise routines (but we'd look a little crazy).” -- Mary M.

18. “My daughter is incapable of passing gas without also loudly saying, ‘I tooted! I make a stinky toot!’ This is delightful in public.” -- Nina G.

19. “I never thought that having a toddler would be so physically painful. He’s broken my nose by conking his big head against it while we were tickling, he regularly runs at me at full speed and plows into my stomach … and he loves to hide and then jump on me. He is so loving, but his love hurts!” -- Heather M.

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20. “I woke up the other night to discover my 2-year-old had climbed out of her bed and was just staring at me in the dark. It was creepy up until the moment that she then barfed right on my pillow. Then it was just plain gross.” -- Fiona W.

21. “The combination of being newly verbal and brutally honest means that I get lots of compliments like, ‘Your tummy soft like a pillow!’ and ‘My mama so big! Big mama!’ Very good for the self-esteem.” -- Irene S.

22. “My toddler is so possessive of me that he throws a major fit every time my husband tries to hug or kiss me. Sometimes I want kisses from someone who doesn’t smell like a diaper and apple juice, kiddo!” -- Yolanda C.

23. “Living with a toddler means that someday, someone is going to casually walk up to you and hand you a booger, and you will take it and then say, ‘Thank you,’ because you are genuinely thankful they didn’t wipe it on the wall.” -- Jaci B.

Honestly, it is a good thing toddlers are all so darn cute or else we’d never be able to handle the wild aspects of life with a little one.

What is your craziest toddler story?


Wendy Robinson is a writer, working mom and graduate student. Someday she'd like to sleep in again. She also blogs at www.athleticmonkey.com

Image ©iStock.com/onebluelight


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