25 ‘Bad’ Dad Confessions -- Because Moms Aren’t the Only Ones With Secrets

25 ‘Bad’ Dad Confessions -- Because Moms Aren’t the Only Ones With Secrets

Real guys spill the beans on the funny, sweet and sometimes crazy truth about dad life.

By Wendy Robinson

Good news! If you have ever found yourself wondering, “What is he doing in there?” after your husband has disappeared into the bathroom and failed to return in a reasonable amount of time, I finally have the answer for you! He is going “no. 3.”

Confused? Read on for the Dad confession that explains it all, along with 24 other confessions from guys willing to spill the beans.

1. “Sometimes I need a break from all the noise that comes with having three kids, so I go to the bathroom to go ‘no. 3,’ which is basically doing no. 1 or 2 but with a cell phone in hand and 20 extra minutes bathroom time.” -- Jason N.

2. “The real reason my son got that sweet video game system for his birthday is because I really miss playing video games.” -- Chris J.

3. “I let my 2-year-old take the fall for a broken picture frame. The truth is I kicked it with my foot when I was trying to prove to my 7-year-old that I can still do a handstand.” -- James T.

4. “I pretended to be embarrassed when my 2-year-old told our pastor that ‘I have a small penis but Daddy has a big penis.’ I secretly thought that was super funny.” -- Will H.

5. “My wife, who is awesome and hopefully not going to read this, is a very healthy eater. So she always makes sure we always have a protein, a veggie, and a fruit at every meal. What she doesn’t know is that when she works late, the kids and I usually have chicken (nuggets), corn (chips) and fruit (snacks) with a nice apple (pie) for dessert. The kids think I am the best cook.” -- Reggie R.

6. “I totally stole money from my 4-year-old’s piggy bank to pay for pizza delivery last week. I’ll probably forget to pay it back.” -- Gary H.

7. “I let my son pee in the backyard all the time, even though my wife thinks it will kill the grass.” -- Nathan B.

8. “I’m the one who taught the kids the ‘beans, beans, the magical fruit’ song. Sorry, honey.” -- David P.

9. “I love playing with my sons, but I sometimes get annoyed when they mess up my elaborate block building towers. Why do they have to kick everything over? I just want to finish my castle!” -- Mark K.

10. “It totally weirds me out when my daughter follows me into the bathroom. She’s only 1, but I get stage fright if she is watching.” -- Mario S.

11. “I know that it bugs my wife, but I totally dig that I am my daughter’s favorite parent right now.” -- Steven D.

More from P&G everyday: 25 ‘Bad’ Mom Confessions -- Because You’re Not the Only One With Secrets!

12. “This isn’t a funny confession, but real talk: Being a dad is the best and I worry all the time that I am going to screw it up somehow.” -- Deshawn D.

13. “I offered my son $5 if he’d just sleep in his own bed all night on our anniversary. It didn’t work.” -- Kevin F.

14. “Because I used to play football and wrestle, people always assume that I’m disappointed that I have three daughters. Are you kidding? Girls are the best. We have no. 4 on the way and I’d be thrilled for another girl.” -- Louis F.

15. “I loved him right away, but I thought my son was really not cute when he was first born. That cone head! Now I know why they put hats on babies.” -- John O.


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16. “I refuse to let my kids win at games.” -- Terry M.

17. “I once peed into a diaper. I was trying to rock the baby to sleep and she was sick and fussy. She’d finally fallen asleep but was waking up every time I tried to put her down. I was getting desperate and my wife was sound asleep. Mistakes were made.” -- Paul P.

18. “My wife is a stay-at-home mom, and I am jealous of that every single day.” -- Michael D.

19. “My 3-year-old daughter is very affectionate. I saw her try to kiss one of the boys in her day care class, and I was surprised at how much it bugged me. I never thought I’d be the ‘my daughter can never date’ dad but it turns out I am.” -- Charlie B.

20. “I’m pretty nerdy so I’m a little alarmed at how into sports my 7-year-old is. Am I going to have to pretend to like soccer for the rest of my life?” -- Vincent W.

21. “Many of my children’s favorite TV shows make me want to poke out my own eyes. I told them that one particular show wasn’t on anymore. I lied but I’ll be danged if I have to watch that bald-headed little weirdo ever again.” -- Trevor L.

More from P&G everyday: 14 Silly Little Things Dads Do That Drive Moms Nuts

22. “I blame farts on the baby.” -- Tim R.

23. “I am a stay-at-home dad and my wife hates that I don’t put our daughter in cuter clothes. I refuse to dress her in dresses and tights because tights are a pain to put on. And sometimes have her wear a hat instead of combing her hair because I am lazy.” -- Danny W.

24. “If my kid throws up, there is about a 75 percent chance I will throw up too during the cleaning. Give me a bloody knee any day but throw-up? NOPE.” -- Jesse H.

25. “My wife thinks I should stop calling our 2-year-old ‘tiny dictator.’ I will once she stops acting like one.” -- Jack D.

I don’t know about you, but I think I love these dads.

Which one reminds you of your husband?

Wendy Robinson is a writer, working mom, and graduate student. Someday she'd like to sleep in again. She also blogs at www.athleticmonkey.com.

Image ©iStock.com/Squaredpixels

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