25 Things You Can't Do Once You Have a Toddler

25 Things You Can't Do Once You Have a Toddler

Sorry, but long gone are your days of owning anything white. Or anything nice.


By Nicole Fabian-Weber

A few Saturdays ago, both of my children took epic naps. For about three gorgeous hours, my husband and I existed in a wondrously quiet home. We had uninterrupted conversations, we surfed the Internet without adorably chubby (sticky!) hands grasping at the keyboard, and we ... kind of forgot we had kids there for a bit.

About two hours into their naps, I looked around our house and saw that my husband had left a knife precariously close to the edge of the counter, and I had done the same with a vase of flowers on the kitchen table. Not sure what had gotten into us (perhaps the lack of sleep?), but with a 3-year-old living under our roof, long gone are the days of leaving anything sharp and/or breakable within reach ... among many other things.

Here, 25 things you can't do once you've got a toddler (at least when they're awake!).

1. Own anything white.

2. Own anything nice.

3. Leave anything within reach that can be used as "paint." This includes makeup, condiments, toiletries, etc.

4. Go to the bathroom in peace.

5. Leave the dog's bowl filled with water.

6. Leave remote controls anywhere lower than 5 feet off the ground (unless you like having your entire DVR erased).

7. Have a conversation that doesn't have the phrase "I know, sweetie, one minute!" somewhere in it.

8. Use your computer.

9. Use your phone.

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10. Go a week without eating macaroni and cheese or pasta with butter (even if it's just a bite).

11. Maintain your train of thought.

12. Maintain your sanity.

13. Light candles.

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14. Unload the dishwasher without "help."

15. Quickly run outside alone -- unless you like temper tantrums.

16. Quickly run outside with your child -- unless you like temper tantrums.

17. Openly eat chocolate.

18. Shower and/or do any sort of primping.

19. Watch anything on television that doesn't have singing in it.

20. Read.

21. Look out the window without being asked, "Who's that? Who's there? What are you looking at?!"

22. Open mail without having to forfeit some piece of it -- thank goodness for fliers!

23. Leave any sort of writing device within reach -- thank goodness for washable crayons!

24. Have a quick, easy-to-clean-up dinner.

25. Go five minutes without planting a kiss on a certain, 2-foot-tall person's head.

What things do you avoid doing when your toddler is awake?


Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama of a toddler girl and a baby boy. She lives outside of NYC and writes for The Stir and numerous other online publications. Right now, she’s probably fantasizing about sleep.

Image ©iStock.com/SelectStock


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