30 Insane Things I've Said Since Becoming the Mom of a Toddler

30 Insane Things I've Said Since Becoming the Mom of a Toddler

Ever stop and listen to the things that come out of your mouth when you have a toddler?


By Nicole Fabian-Weber

Being the mom of a toddler is incredible. Each day, I'm amazed at the smart, kind, funny person my 3-year-old daughter is turning into. Long gone are the days of trying to decipher her needs, as my little girl loves to talk, talk, talk. Also, long gone are the days of having completely sane sentences come out of my mouth.

Got a little one? Then (hopefully!) you can relate to this. Here are 30 actual statements I've said out loud since becoming the mom of a toddler. Did I really just say that?

1. "Stop touching your butt."

2. "We don't eat food out of the trash."

3. "We don't eat trash."

4. "Are your feet made out of pickles, because I'm going to eat them up!"

5. "There aren't any mannequins in your room at night."

6. "Stop touching my butt."

7. "Stop touching the baby's butt."

8. "Babies don't like sausage."

9. "Can I put salt and pepper on your arms and eat them? I can?!"

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10. "Are we going to put rocks in our soup, too?"

11. "I'm not sure if I can draw a boy laughing."

12. "I don't know if that plane is going to Paris."

13. "I don't know if there are any little girls on that plane."

14. "I'm don't know if the people on the plane are eating yogurt."

15. "Please don't jump on my head."

16. "You're going pee-pee in the potty's mouth? Oh."

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17. "It's not YOURami, it's MIami."

18. "You have a serious case of cute-a-tosis."

19. "No, your water isn't kidding you."

20. "No, you can't bring the bathtub on the plane."

21. "Why don't you play with this crazy ball of fuzz while I go potty?"

22. "The only way the car works is if you go potty."

23. "I don't think rainbows can talk."

24. "Are you a silly goose crazy baby pumpkin pie?"

25. "I think that spider is just sleeping."

26. "I'm not sure where the spider's family is."

27. "Sure, we can have a picnic in the bathroom."

28. "Can you make me a smoothie with strawberries, bananas, and ... socks?!"

29. "I don't think the dog likes being brushed with a spoon."

30. "I bet if you sleep all night in your bed you'll be as tall as the ceiling tomorrow!"

What crazy things have you said since becoming the mom of a toddler?


Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama to a toddler girl and a baby boy. She lives outside of NYC and writes for The Stir and numerous other online publications. Right now, she’s probably fantasizing about sleep.

Image ©iStock.com/KevinFarris


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