I Feel Guilty That I Didn't Want a Boy

I Feel Guilty That I Didn't Want a Boy

A self-described ‘girl mom’ learns how awesome little boys can be.

By: Nicole Fabian-Weber

I have a confession to make. When I first learned that my second baby was going to be a boy, I was a little ... not as amped as I was when I learned my first was going to be a girl. I know, this is terrible, and I feel like a bad mom for even writing it. But, here's the thing: I am completely and totally obsessed with my son. And I feel like such a jerk for ever feeling that way.

I was -- and am -- head over heels in love with my daughter. She's funny, smart, beautiful, adorably naughty, and, to be honest, feels like my friend. She's my sidekick. Wherever I go, she goes too -- even if she's not invited (hello, bathroom). I wasn't one to fantasize about having babies starting at a young age, but once my husband and I started talking about kids, I always knew that I'd have a daughter. I was sure of it.

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As cheesy as it sounds, when she arrived, it felt like she was missing from our lives for ages. Her personality was almost exactly as I envisioned it. And I won't lie: I most definitely fantasize about all the fun, girly things we'll do together when she's older. For the past two and a half years of my life, I have felt like a "girl mom" through and through. Moms of sons were so ... foreign to me. And, embarrassingly, I really didn't have much interest in understanding what it was like.

Now, don't get me wrong. I warmed up to the idea of having a boy during my pregnancy. I was excited to see the relationship both he and my husband, and he and my daughter would have (in addition to ours, obviously). But, truth be told, I had a harder time "connecting" with him when he was still in my belly than I did with my daughter. He was a boy! He seemed so mysterious to me.

He arrived almost a week late (which makes total sense now, because the boy loves to be held and cuddled). When he got here, it was a bit chaotic, much less peaceful than bringing home my daughter. After all, we had a toddler at home, and quite often, toddlers need more attention than newborns.

But as the days went by -- and as his sister grew more used to having a sibling -- I fell harder and harder in love with my little man. I can't imagine anyone other than him being here. He's the sweetest, most gentlest little soul I've ever met, and I'm so thrilled he's mine.


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When I gaze at my sweet little pudge in the middle of the night, as he lies in my arms, drunk off milk, my heart bursts with love for him -- sometimes so much that I hope he continues to have nighttime wakeups, so I can continue to have these special times with him (sometimes). He fits perfectly into my arms, and everything about him -- about our relationship -- feels so natural that I can't believe I ever was anything less than ecstatic to meet him. He, too, feels like he's been missing for ages.

I'm the mother of a boy. And, honestly, I couldn't be more thrilled about that.

Did you have a preference about what you were having when you were pregnant?

Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama of a toddler girl and a baby boy. She lives outside of NYC and writes for The Stir and numerous other online publications. Right now, she’s probably fantasizing about sleep.

Image ©iStock.com/Reynardt

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