I Feel Guilty That I Didn't Want a Boy

I Feel Guilty That I Didn't Want a Boy

A self-described ‘girl mom’ learns how awesome little boys can be.


By: Nicole Fabian-Weber

I have a confession to make. When I first learned that my second baby was going to be a boy, I was a little ... not as amped as I was when I learned my first was going to be a girl. I know, this is terrible, and I feel like a bad mom for even writing it. But, here's the thing: I am completely and totally obsessed with my son. And I feel like such a jerk for ever feeling that way.

I was -- and am -- head over heels in love with my daughter. She's funny, smart, beautiful, adorably naughty, and, to be honest, feels like my friend. She's my sidekick. Wherever I go, she goes too -- even if she's not invited (hello, bathroom). I wasn't one to fantasize about having babies starting at a young age, but once my husband and I started talking about kids, I always knew that I'd have a daughter. I was sure of it.

More from P&G everyday: A Mom, a Leotard, and the Lesson of a Lifetime

As cheesy as it sounds, when she arrived, it felt like she was missing from our lives for ages. Her personality was almost exactly as I envisioned it. And I won't lie: I most definitely fantasize about all the fun, girly things we'll do together when she's older. For the past two and a half years of my life, I have felt like a "girl mom" through and through. Moms of sons were so ... foreign to me. And, embarrassingly, I really didn't have much interest in understanding what it was like.

Now, don't get me wrong. I warmed up to the idea of having a boy during my pregnancy. I was excited to see the relationship both he and my husband, and he and my daughter would have (in addition to ours, obviously). But, truth be told, I had a harder time "connecting" with him when he was still in my belly than I did with my daughter. He was a boy! He seemed so mysterious to me.

He arrived almost a week late (which makes total sense now, because the boy loves to be held and cuddled). When he got here, it was a bit chaotic, much less peaceful than bringing home my daughter. After all, we had a toddler at home, and quite often, toddlers need more attention than newborns.

But as the days went by -- and as his sister grew more used to having a sibling -- I fell harder and harder in love with my little man. I can't imagine anyone other than him being here. He's the sweetest, most gentlest little soul I've ever met, and I'm so thrilled he's mine.

Registration

Become a member of P&G everyday and get exclusive offers!

Become a member

When I gaze at my sweet little pudge in the middle of the night, as he lies in my arms, drunk off milk, my heart bursts with love for him -- sometimes so much that I hope he continues to have nighttime wakeups, so I can continue to have these special times with him (sometimes). He fits perfectly into my arms, and everything about him -- about our relationship -- feels so natural that I can't believe I ever was anything less than ecstatic to meet him. He, too, feels like he's been missing for ages.

I'm the mother of a boy. And, honestly, I couldn't be more thrilled about that.

Did you have a preference about what you were having when you were pregnant?


Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama of a toddler girl and a baby boy. She lives outside of NYC and writes for The Stir and numerous other online publications. Right now, she’s probably fantasizing about sleep.

Image ©iStock.com/Reynardt


You also may like:

Potty Training: Boys vs. Girls

10 Crazy Funny Baby Name Suggestions From Older Siblings

How My Son Taught Me the Value of the Everyday

Complete your personal information

Please fill in the information marked with an asterisk to proceed; if you want to get tailored offers and content, don't forget to fill in the optional fields.

Top Picks Sweeps