Real-Life Family Rules That Will Make You LOL

Real-Life Family Rules That Will Make You LOL

Because sometimes parenting means setting some rules about pants.

By Wendy Robinson

Parenting is filled with joy and laughter and many unexpected moments – moments that sometimes lead to new family rules like “you have to wear pants to go play with the neighbors” or “no wiping boogers on the wall.”

These are both, sadly, actual rules in my household.

I was curious about the funny, weird, or strangely specific rules other families have, so I asked around and was absolutely delighted to discover that I am not alone in having to implement a booger policy or other odd rules to keep my kids in line:

“Only people with molars get to have tortilla chips.” – Dawn

“No butt sounds at the table. It's become a one-strike rule.” – Kristin

“No threatening to poop or pee on your sister.” – Amelia

“No putting your butt on the dog.” – Kelly (I assume the dogs also support this rule.)

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“We have an elaborate set of rules related to when and where it is acceptable to not wear pants. We also had to make a strict ‘wipe boogers only on your OWN shirt’ rule, (we tried to force the tissue issue and lost, so we had to settle for what we could get). I promise we are not gross people.” – Kate

“No farting on Mommy’s pillow.” – Carrie. Oh, poor Carrie.

“Rule that gets regularly repeated: What goes in our mouth? Just food (after my daughter decided to eat a rock).” – Michaela


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“No licking the baby.” – Ann

“You can't look at your poop unless you go in the potty. My toddler has recently backslid on potty training and she really likes to look at her poop, so that's what I've come up with for incentive.” – Margaret

“I am constantly amazed at the random things I have to tell my children, in particular my [son], such as ‘don't lick the radiator’ and ‘no swinging on my bed’ (we have a canopy and my kids seem to think they are aerialists). Over the summer I had to tell my son to ‘stop drawing on my tomatoes’ (they were growing on the vine and he was taking a marker to them – like, really?!).” – Melissa

“We had a ‘no peeing on the dog bed’ rule for a while – my son loved to jump out of the bath and spray the dog's bed!”– Danielle

After reading all of these, I am convinced kids were put on this planet just to keep us on our toes.

Do you have any funny family rules?

Wendy Robinson is a writer, working mom, and graduate student. Someday she'd like to sleep in again. She also blogs at

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