The 1 Thing That Gets Much Easier Once You Have Kids

The 1 Thing That Gets Much Easier Once You Have Kids

Lots of things get harder when you become a mom, but one thing gets surprisingly easier.

By: Nicole Fabian-Weber

A few weeks ago, my husband and I met a colleague of his and his wife for brunch. As we drove to meet these people I’d never met, I never once for a second wondered what we’d talk about or if we’d get along. In fact, I barely gave our impending meeting any thought at all on the ride over, as I nervously might have in the past. I knew the morning would be perfectly pleasant and go off without a hitch.

Why? Because we all were parents and we were bringing along our kids.

Before we had our daughter two and a half years ago, my husband and I struggled with making friends -- or friends we would get together with on a regular basis, at least. We had just moved to New York after living in Los Angeles for 10 years, and it eventually dawned on us that, because we weren’t in our fun-loving early 20s anymore, we weren’t going to magically find ourselves in a giant circle of besties like we had out west. We had both met lots of incredibly cool people from our jobs and in our neighborhood, but we still found ourselves dining at a table for two the majority of weekend nights.

Then we had a baby.

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Pre-parenthood, I was never the type of person to randomly strike up a conversation with someone in line at the grocery store or at the park (though, truth be told, I was rarely at parks before I had children), and people rarely randomly struck up conversations with me. But after having children -- totally different ballgame. Now, I feel like I'll talk to anyone who’s got a little one in tow, and vice versa. It’s like we become part of a secret society once we become mothers and fathers. I'll find myself saying things like, "Oh, my daughter used to do that," to a mom who's with her baby at the store. When kids are involved, there's always something to bond over, and weirdly, it rarely seems rude or intrusive to talk to complete strangers over something so personal.

When I first became a parent and began noticing how much easier it had become to make friends, or at the very least, acquaintances, I had mixed emotions. On the one hand, it was great because motherhood can feel very lonely and isolating at times, but on the other, I wondered if this was what I had become – a mom who's incapable of talking about anything other than kids or having friends without kids. The longer I've been a parent, though, I've realized that not only is that not the case at all, but having built-in friends is a godsend for frazzled parents.

Let's be honest: Making friends sometimes can be a little awkward once you're past a certain age. And when you're a tired mom or dad, who wants to deal with awkward in your free time? We want things to be easy, we want people to accept us as-is, and we don't want to think too hard about how we're going to look or what we're going to say. Being a mom is hard enough -- isn't it nice to drive to brunch, knowing you're going to have a good time even though you don’t know the people you're meeting?


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Since having kids, yes, a lot of my conversations do revolve around children, but I certainly haven't given up other interests or ditched friends who aren't yet parents. But I will say this: I really love the fact that it's so easy with other parents, even if the majority of what we talk about pertains to potty training and preschool. They may not be the most fascinating topics, but to be honest, as someone with a toddler and a newborn, I'm far too exhausted to muster up "fascinating."

Do you find it easier to make friends as a parent?

Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama to a sweet toddler girl and an equally sweet baby boy. She lives outside of NYC and writes for The Stir and numerous other online publications.

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