By Leah Maxwell

I swear I’ve spent half of my parenting career trying to keep a straight face while listening to Very Ridiculous Lies told by my Very Ridiculous Children. Some kids only fib when they’re trying to cover up misbehavior, but some kids apparently just like to be creative. REALLY creative. Here are nine lies so outrageous their moms will remember them forever.

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The Guilty Raccoon

“I discovered an entire jar of glitter overturned in our craft room...sort of behind a file cabinet...sort of like someone had tried to pour it from one container to another, quite unsuccessfully. There was only one possible suspect (my son), and he absolutely ‘told the truth’ when he said he saw a raccoon come in through the back door and get the glitter and make the mess. He SAW him with his OWN eyes...‘I’M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH, Mama!’ He was 4.” -- Carrie, mom of two

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Bad Baby Sister

“I asked my 3-year-old who drew on my bookshelf with a gold permanent marker. ‘Molly. It was Molly. See? There’s an M.’ (Molly was 2 months old at the time.)” -- Kate, mom of two

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See Ya Later, Scuffs!

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is perfect for erasing dirt, scuffs, and other “reminders” kids leave on walls, floors, and doors.

It Was a Witch!

“My daughter lost something of mine, and when I asked where it went she told me with a straight face, ‘A witch took it.’” -- Betsy, mom of three

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Evil Scissors Boy

“My son told me that one of his classmates poked a girl in the eye with scissors, and now she wears an eye patch. I’ve seen said girl. No eye patch. I think the whole point of the story is that ‘scissor kid’ is not his favorite person, and/or scares him. But he’ll stick with the eye patch story to the end.” -- Ashley, mom of three

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Not-So-Sweet Kisses

“Who left lipstick kisses on the wall (right at 4-year-old height)? ‘Daddy.’ Daddy was very lucky the kisses were in the closet and not, like, the foyer. Because you know what doesn’t come off of flat builder’s-beige paint? HOT PINK LIPSTICK.” -- Erin, mom of two

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Another Bad Baby Sister

“My three middle kids spilled gallons (plural gallons) of paint in the garage one morning while waiting for the bus and then JUST LEFT, GOT ON THE BUS, AND WENT TO SCHOOL. When they got home, they tried to blame the 2-year-old: ‘You know how strong she is!’” -- Shannon, mom of five

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Serious Gym Rules

“I was told that if I went to a certain chain of fitness gyms ‘they will kick you out forever if you talk or make any noise, even if something is heavy when you try to lift it. No noise or they kick you out and you can’t go back.’ This story lasted 30 minutes from an 11-year-old liarpants.” --Harriet, mom of two

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The Tasty Evidence

“Ever heard the classic tale of the kid who swears he didn’t touch the cake but is covered head to toe with chocolate frosting? That has happened to me MORE THAN ONCE.” -- Lauren, mom of four

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The Love Note

“My son carved his name into our kitchen table with a fork and told me his DAD must have done it ‘because he loves me so much!’” -- Wendy, mom of two

What are the most ridiculous lies your kids have ever told you?

Leah Maxwell is a book editor, freelance writer, cereal addict, wife, and mom to two young boys. She has been blogging at A Girl and a Boy since 2003.

Image ©iStock.com/snapphoto

The Love Note

“My son carved his name into our kitchen table with a fork and told me his DAD must have done it ‘because he loves me so much!’” -- Wendy, mom of two

What are the most ridiculous lies your kids have ever told you?

Leah Maxwell is a book editor, freelance writer, cereal addict, wife, and mom to two young boys. She has been blogging at A Girl and a Boy since 2003.

Image ©iStock.com/snapphoto