16 Women Share Their Secrets to a Happy Marriage Bed

16 Women Share Their Secrets to a Happy Marriage Bed

Sleep is tricky for a lot of reasons, but your spouse shouldn’t be one of them.


By: Leah Maxwell

If you add it all up, you probably spend as much time with your spouse when you’re sleeping as you do when you’re awake. What’s worse, a lot of us aren’t getting quality sleep precisely because we’re sharing a bed with someone else. Just because you found someone you’re compatible with by the light of day doesn’t mean you’re compatible sleepers. We asked 16 bed-sharers how they make it work, and their tips might be the key to helping you sleep better together in the new year.

1. “Three words: white noise app. My husband snores occasionally (and, let's face it, so do I), and the dogs (who sleep on a dog bed at the foot of our bed) definitely snore, and the cat likes to yowl between 3 and 5 in the morning. Also, I don't know if we could ever downsize from our king bed. We like snuggling before going to sleep, but once it’s time to shut my eyes, I want all my own space. It just gets too hot otherwise.” -- Kristen S., 37, Gainesville, Florida

2. “I usually curl up with my head on his chest for a few minutes before I migrate back to my own pillow to sleep. It works really well to help me get sleepy. Except for the night he also got sleepy and dropped his tablet on my head.” -- Cindy W., 38, Raleigh, North Carolina

3. “We have a king-sized bed so there’s room for the sneaky kid plus two cats, two extra blankets on my side, and headphones for insomniac movie binging.” -- Kacey T., 31, Newport, Oregon

4. “Our favorite time of the night is when we get into bed together, watch a show, and laugh together. It’s part of our routine and it helps us wind down and be ready to sleep. We get into bed as soon as the kids are in bed and the house is shut down. Sometimes crazy early.” -- Jen G., 33, Orlando, Florida

5. “We have a king-sized comforter for our queen-sized bed, because my husband tends to steal the blankets.” -- Angela C., 39, Seattle, Washington

6. “King-sized bed, two twin-sized sheets, two twin-sized blankets, a king-sized quilt. My sheet stays tucked in (as is right and good) and doesn’t get stolen after my husband kicks his off, then gets cold.” -- Kate W., 32, Denver, Colorado

7. “My husband has to sleep with as many pillows as it takes to keep from snoring.” -- Julia L., 29, Seattle, Washington

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8. “My husband works nights four days a week so I have the bed to myself most of the time.” -- Julie S., 37, Round Rock, Texas

9. “We have, after 10 years of sleeping together, a solid understanding that I am not to be snuggled and that my pillows are MY PILLOWS. I’m kind of a jerk about it, actually.” -- Wendy R., 36, St. Paul, Minnesota

10. “I sleep with ear plugs, but my husband goes to sleep on the couch 99 percent of the time, watching TV. He comes to bed in the wee hours.” -- Lisa G., 49, Benton, Arkansas

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11. “We should’ve been smart and kept the kids out! When my oldest was a baby and tiny and sweet, I always let him snuggle up with us if he woke up at night. Now he’s a ginormous, gangly 5-year-old who tries to sleep starfish-style in the middle of our queen-sized bed if he wakes up in the wee hours and gets lonely. Word to all young couples pre-children: BUY A KING-SIZED BED. Or lock your door. Or both, maybe.” -- Gena G., 33, Evansville, Indiana

12. “If either of us is stuffy/snoring or coughing, that person sleeps in the guest bed.” -- Kate D., 37, Cleveland, Ohio

13. “I started with just ear plugs, but now I wear full-on headphones with music playing to sleep next to my husband.” -- Kelly O., 33, Holloman Air Force Base, New Mexico

14. “My husband will rub my head to help me relax. Usually it backfires and he falls asleep first. Like I’m his lovey.” – Lexi S., 44, Torrance, California

15. “Don’t know if this helps us sleep better, but we usually ask each other, ‘What made you sad today? Angry? Happy?’ I guess better communication might lead to better sleep.” -- Amanda G., 25, Beijing, China

16. “My boyfriend is an artist and finds that his best creative flow happens after 10 p.m. He works until usually 4 a.m., then goes to the living room to zone out in front of television. We never, ever, ever go to bed together and the only reason he moves from the living room to bed is if he gets cold. He and I couldn't be more different in many of our lifestyle choices. We love and accept each other for what we each are.” -- Melora J., 37, Nashville, Tennessee

How do you make sleep work with your spouse?


Leah Maxwell is a book editor, freelance writer, cereal addict, wife, and mom to two young boys. She has been blogging at A Girl and a Boy since 2003.

Image ©iStock.com/Squaredpixels


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