Being a Homebody With My Husband Has Never Felt So Great

Being a Homebody With My Husband Has Never Felt So Great

Kids can rob us of our social lives … but maybe that’s a good thing?


By Nicole Fabian-Weber

My husband and I have an unofficial cut-off time every night. Come 9 p.m., we close our computers, we stop cleaning, we stop looking at our phones, and we turn on the TV and completely zone out. Most of the time, we barely make it until 10, drifting off to sleep on the couch at about 9:45 or so. We're so exhausted after a day of working and parenting and household chores that we practically can't keep our eyes open. And you know what? That 45 minutes or so is heavenly.

By most people's standards, a maximum of 60 minutes of "me" time a day isn't a heck of a lot -- especially when that time is spent watching idiotic, mindless TV. But I so look forward to that time every day. With a toddler and a baby and a full work schedule, that hour is like a spa treatment to me. In fact, many little things are luxuries to my husband and me these days -- and it's actually pretty great.

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After having kids, it's no secret that we suddenly realize all the little things we took advantage of when we were childless -- the ability to up and leave the house whenever we felt like it, sleeping in, etc. And while I do sometimes think of those things wistfully, I've also developed a new appreciation for small things -- in a good way -- such as uninterrupted conversations with my husband and vegging out on the couch each night at 9. Sure, it would be great to be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, but I have to be honest: It's actually quite liberating to be able to be so easily entertained and delighted. It's made my life significantly more simple.

Before we became parents, when my husband and I had free time, we were often left with that burning question: What should we do? We exerted so much energy deciding on where to eat, what movie to watch, or where to go, that it took some of the fun out of things. Our options were almost an embarrassment of riches.

Now that we're, to be frank, exhausted, it's pretty much a no-brainer what we're going to do when the kids are in bed and the work is done: nothing. And we're totally OK with that.

On Saturday nights, we eat a lovely dinner alone after our children are asleep, and almost every other "free" moment we get when we're alone, we're just relaxing on our sofa or sitting in our backyard if it's nice out. There's no more "what should we do," no more disappointment if we paid for a lousy meal with bad service. We know exactly what we're getting each night, and, although it may sound boring to some, it really feels so nice.

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I'm sure there will come a day when things get a little less hectic and a little more easy with our kids -- and when that day comes, I've no doubt that my husband and I will get a little more adventurous than reality TV and a glass of wine in the backyard. But I also have no doubt that we'll look back on this strange time with nothing but fondness. There's something truly so wonderful about finding such pleasure in incredibly easy, incredibly simple things.

How have your leisure activities changed since having kids?


Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama to a toddler girl and a baby boy. She lives outside of NYC and writes for The Stir and numerous other online publications. Right now, she’s probably fantasizing about sleep.

Image ©iStock.com/pixdeluxe


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