Can We Take the Pressure Off of Date Night, Please?

Can We Take the Pressure Off of Date Night, Please?

Can We Take the Pressure Off of Date Night, Please?


By: Nicole Fabian-Weber

I'm not gonna lie: There's not a lot of romance happening in my house these days. My husband and I welcomed our second baby a few months ago, so right now he and I are the only people over the age of 2 in our home. And let me tell you, that does not make for a very romantical environment. Most of our days (OK, all of our days) are spent working, holding children, cleaning up after children, taking turns trying to shovel food in our mouths while one or both children are crying, and most of all, not sleeping. Carving out quality alone time with each other isn't exactly at the top of our personal priority lists right now. Not collapsing from exhaustion is.

However, seeing that we needed a little time outside of the house, my sister recently offered to watch our kids for a bit so my husband and I could reacquaint ourselves with the adult portion of society. At first, we turned down the favor. Get dressed? Leave the house? It all seemed like too much. But we eventually decided to take her up on it.

But then we had to decide where to go.

Should we go out to dinner? If so, where? Would we need reservations? What do people even wear out to dinner these days? Should we go to a movie? No, then we wouldn't be able to talk to each other. But, not talking might be nice? Maybe we should do something creative, like take a pottery class? After all, this will probably be the last time we're out in a while!

And on and on it went. We sort of felt like we had one Get Out of Jail Free card on our hands and we didn't want to waste it. If we were going to get out of the house for a few hours (at night, no less!), we wanted to make it count.

Want to know what we wound up settling on? Errands and a burger from a fast food place.

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I know, I know. To most, this sounds utterly boring and so not like the kind of thing a deliriously tired and stressed-out married couple should do to "relax." But, you know what? It was awesome. And, oddly enough, way more romantic than I ever thought it would be. It felt like the old times when we used to run errands together whenever we pleased (and it took half the time).

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While we were out, we weren't in go-go-go! mode, like we normally are when we're with our kids. We didn't divide and conquer. We leisurely strolled around a few stores, joked around, flirted, and didn't feel like we needed a drink when we left the place. We felt ... normal. For the first time in while, it didn't seem like we were getting our butts kicked by life. Despite what we (and my sister) expected, we actually did feel relaxed and rejuvenated afterwards. And, we did reconnect. It was sort of like, "Oh yeah! I remember you! We're married! And I love you!"

When we got home, we were reset (and bonus points for getting some stuff done while we were out). Our toddler was sleeping and even though we knew we only had a little bit of time before our 3-month-old was up, we were ready for it -- even looking forward to it a bit. (And, when he did wake up, we weren't at odds with each other, like we sometimes can be.)

There's a fairly high chance that it'll be a while before my husband and I get out alone again. But, the next time we do, I don't want to waste time trying to plan the perfect outing as if it's the last time we'll ever come in contact with civilization again. If we have stuff to do, we should just do it and not feel bad about it. After all, we did those kinds of things before we had kids, without any pressure. Fancy French restaurant or fluorescent-lit super store -- the location really doesn't matter these days. The important thing is being together.

Where do you go on date night?


Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama of a toddler girl and a baby boy. She lives outside of NYC and writes for The Stir and many other websites. Right now, she’s probably fantasizing about sleep.

Image ©iStock.com/vgajic



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