My Husband & I Are Closer Than Ever, Thanks to Our Son

My Husband & I Are Closer Than Ever, Thanks to Our Son

One mom reveals what happened to her marriage after the birth of her second child.


By Nicole Fabian-Weber

Before having my second child, I heard all sorts of horror stories about what becomes of your life when you're a parent of two. "You will be depressed for a year," I remember reading about a week before I gave birth. "Say goodbye to your social life," one friend told me. And constantly -- no, constantly -- I read or heard that the relationship between my husband and me would be seriously strained after we welcomed yet another baby into our family. I won't lie: I was scared.

I envisioned nasty arguments and passive-aggressive comments. I envisioned dumb fights about nothing while babies and toddlers screamed and tantrumed in the background. I envisioned rude, short text messages between us. What I totally didn't envision was getting along better with my husband. But that's exactly what happened.

For the first few weeks after we brought our son home, it was rough. There were definitely a few heated exchanges, and being that we were both running on about two hours of sleep per night, neither of us was sweeping the other off his or her feet. But after we got into a little bit of a groove, something changed -- and my husband and I felt closer to each other.

Full disclosure: It isn't because we have the world's easiest, most well-behaved kids. (Maybe the cutest, though!) Our son, who's 6 months old, still isn't sleeping through the night, and our 3-year-old daughter thinks she's 16. Many days are very frustrating, and we certainly haven't hit that "easy" stride parents of multiple kids talk about, the one where the kids happily play together. Hardly.

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However, I think because things are, well, so crazy, my husband and I had no choice but to join forces and sort of laugh at the insanity of life right now. Perhaps it's because we no longer outnumber our children, but we feel like a real team lately. Maybe more so than ever before.

Each day, at around 5:30 p.m., when the dinner/bath time/cleanup mad dash begins, my husband and I know it's "go-time." We know there are going to be messes. We know there are going to be battles. We know there are likely going to be tears. But we're OK with it.

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We take a few minutes to chat with each other while one of us is making dinner, and approach the evening with a sense of humor, often turning to each other to smile and laugh at the craziness of what's happening. To be completely honest, I have no idea how this came to be. But once we realized this method was working, we've stuck with it. And things only seem to be improving with us. My husband and I have always had a good relationship in my eyes, but this honestly was the last thing I expected from having our second baby.

I sort of feel like this is a result of life being so busy and so crazy right now that we've just had no choice but to embrace it and have a sense of humor about everything. I don't know. I'm not going to think too much about it -- whatever the cause, I'm glad. It's so nice to feel more connected than ever with someone when you're in the midst of, well, mayhem.

Relationships, just like life, seem to go through seasons. And, contrary to what I expected, my husband and I are in a really wonderful one right now. The "summer" of marriages, if you will. Maybe it will always be like this, maybe it won't. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the ride -- and my husband -- as much as I can.

How did your relationship change after you had a baby?


Nicole Fabian-Weber is the mama to a sweet toddler girl and a baby boy. She lives outside of NYC and writes for The Stir and numerous other online publications. Right now, she’s probably fantasizing about sleep.

Image ©iStock.com/Halfpoint


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