The 10-Minute Rule That Could Improve Your Marriage

The 10-Minute Rule That Could Improve Your Marriage

One busy wife and mom shares how she and her husband take time to connect.

By Wendy Robinson

The scene was a familiar one: The kids were finally in bed and quiet, the TV was on, my husband sat on one couch with his laptop open, and I was on the love seat catching up on Twitter on my tablet. We were both tired and zoning out on technology when my husband said, “You know, I have no idea how you are feeling about your job or stuff with the kids these days.”


The thing is – he was right. We weren’t talking as much as we used to; we fell so easily into the habit of turning on the TV or hopping online as soon as the kids were sleeping. During the day, we text or chat online, but that is usually about mundane stuff like who is making dinner or how school drop-off went. While our marriage was fine and basically secure, I couldn’t help but think that this lack of real interaction at night was probably not great for the long-term health of our relationship, so we started the “10-minute rule.”

The 10-minute rule is simple: every night we make sure we take 10 minutes with no kids, no TV, no laptops on and just talk to each other. We don’t have to talk about anything serious and we try to steer away from talking about the kids, but we just have to have a conversation. Sometimes we are done after 10 minutes, sometimes we’ll talk for hours like we used to back in the dating days.


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It might seem like a silly idea, but I’ve found that since we started doing it, we seem to bicker about small things less, spend more quality time with each other, and have a better sense of “we’re in it together” when it comes to the daily grind of working, parenting, and running a household. It felt a little forced at first, but now is just another part of the nightly routine and something I look forward to.

How do you make sure you and your husband are staying connected?

Wendy Robinson is a writer, working mom, and graduate student. Someday she'd like to sleep in again. She also blogs at

Image © Mitchell

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